The Original Tea Partiers

Last Sunday everyone in the continental United States turned their clocks back one hour ending Daylight Savings Time, except in Arizona. Arizonans do not turn their clocks back because they chose not to observe daylight savings time (even Indiana now follows daylight savings time, although a portion of the state is on Eastern Daylight Savings Time and a portion of the state is on Central Daylight Savings Time). The theory in Arizona (1) Arizonans are the original "tea partiers" (well maybe not the original tea party; I will give that honor to the Bostonians) and simply anti-establishment, or (2) it is so hot in Arizona that adding an additional hour of daylight would cause more of an energy crunch with air conditioners working longer and harder, or (3) following the anti-establishment argument, Daylight Savings Time is just a way for big businesses to capitalize on more sunlight during these months and Arizona refused to comply.

In any event, the effect of not following daylight savings time is, first and foremost, confusion for the rest of the country, and second, it gets dark by 5:45 in the winter so you have to schedule your golf appropriately. Last Sunday, Chad Feldheimer and I had a tee time at 11:48 at Stonecreek Golf Club. Assuming a 4 hour 30 minute round of golf, we had an hour leeway. We teed off 45 minutes late and made the turn in 2 hours 40 minutes. We finally walked (rode) off the course at the 15th tee at 5:15! I am officially taking Stonecreek Golf Club off of my list as my "home course" (at least for the winter season).

On Friday, Fred Flintstone invited me and one of his clients to play golf at Phoenix Country Club. The course was recently overseeded, and unlike the public courses that permit play two weeks after overseeding, the private courses usually close for a month for the overseeding. The course was spectacular! The greens were rolling fast and true. There were almost no ballmarks on the greens. Phoenix Country Club has my number. It is an old-style Midwestern course, flat and fairly narrow fairways with strategically placed trees and very small greens. I never drive the ball well at Phoenix and I am always scrambling to make bogey. It makes for a long day of golf, except that it is a beautiful walk in the park. Invariably, Fred shoots an 82. At the first tee, after Fred striped his drive right down the middle with his hockey swing, I told our playing partner that Fred would shoot an 82. Fred chimed in that we could just write down the 82, skip the golf and begin drinking in the bar. He shot a 43 on the front and needed a 39 on the back for an 82. No. 18 is a 500+ yard par 5. Fred was on the fringe of the green in 3 strokes and sunk a 20 foot putt for a birdie to shoot a 39 on the back and an 82 for the round! I shot a miserable 91 and I do not think I hit more than 2 fairways. However, the shot of the day was my drive on No. 16. I duck hooked the ball and it hit the wall of the restroom and the exterior wall of the maintenance area. After looking for the ball for a few minutes in the high rough I gave up. Our playing partner went to use the rest room and there on the floor under the urinal was my Bridgestone golf ball. Since the restroom is a part of the golf course and there was no applicable local rule, I had to hit out from under the urinal left handed (see picture below)!

You Need an MBA in Logistics to Play Golf

This is the week that the Gardener's wife permits him to play golf. Chad Feldheimer also was able to play this weekend, but before Chad would play I had to negotiate a tee time, golf course and penalty for slow play. Chad is a long-suffering Detroit Lions fan and has the special NFL television package to watch and be tortured by his beloved Lions. The logistics were as follows: The Lions game begins at 10 a.m., Arizona time, and ends around 1 p.m.; assume travel time to the golf course of 20-30 minutes; sunset is 5:37 p.m.; and a round of golf on a Phoenix public golf course takes at least 4 1/2 hours (especially if it is "cart paths only"). You do the math! The last time the Gardener and I played we finished in the dark and the Gardener double-bogeyed the last two holes to ruin an excellent round, which he blamed on the darkness (I will give him the benefit of the doubt).

After negotiating for two days with Chad I had an epiphany. The Gardener and I would tee off at 12:30 and Chad could join us after the game. If there was enough daylight I would drive the cart while Chad finished the holes he missed. Another win-win solution for the great negotiator!

By the time that negotiations were completed and documents signed, the only course that fit our parameters was Vistal Golf Club. I like Vistal. There is a lot of elevation change and it has some beautiful views of South Mountain and downtown Phoenix. It plays over 7,000 yards from the blue tees, but the fairways are pretty wide. The greens and tee boxes were overseeded, but the fairways were not not. The fairways were still pretty green and the rough was pretty thick, but not too penal.

The Gardener and I teed off at 12:30. On the 3rd hole, the Gardner bent down to pick up his golf ball after holing out and he could not move. Getting old is hell! He was done for the day. He was nice enough to ride with me while trying to loosen up his back, but he was in a lot of pain. On the 6th hole, Chad finally showed up. We drove the Gardener back to the clubhouse, helped him get his bag off of the cart and sent him home to ice his back. Chad and I teed off at 2 p.m. and there was no one in front of us. I birdied the first hole, hit the ball very well, did not have any blow up holes (except I hit the ball in the water on the par 3 3rd hole) and shot a 41 on the front 9. Chad had not played in a month, did not hit any practice balls and was roping his driver as well as I have ever seen him hit it. On the 5th hole, I offered Chad some friendly advice that he needed to keep the ball to the right for the best angle into the green. He roped another drive right where he was aiming and hit it into the bunker. His second shot hit the lip of the bunker and went into the desert and he ended up with a 7 on the hole and a 40 on the front 9.

I did not hit the ball quite as well on the back 9, but not that bad either. However, I was in every fairway bunker on the back 9 and had a double-bogey barrage to shoot a 48 on the back 9 and an 89 for the round. Chad had bookend 40s for a pedestrian 80 (for him) even though he played better than his score. We played in less than 3 hours and finished just before 5 p.m.! That gave us plenty of time to get home before the ghosts and goblins starting knocking on our doors for Halloween.

2012 Ryder Cup Captain

The Ryder Cup just ended and the next Ryder Cup is two years away, but the PGA will name the next American captain before the end of the year. Rumor has it that the odds-on-favorite is Davis Love III, but I am sure that DL III will find some way to choke and lose his lead.

At the McGladrey Classic, which DL III hosted at the Sea Island, Georgia, Resort, he began his normal Sunday slide by waffling to the press when asked if he wanted to captain the 2012 Ryder Cup team, saying "[i]f players ask me, are talking to me about it and they want me to do it, that's what I want to do. That's what it boils down to.” Not exactly the enthusiasm that the PGA would like to hear from its captain-in-waiting.

Assuming that the PGA will not call back the Zinger (Paul Azinger, the 2008 captain), the choices are pretty meager. Lee Janzen? Larry Nelson? Jeff Sluman? Those three do not create much excitement. Freddie Couples would be a good choice (if the Ryder Cup were played earlier in the year, Corey Pavin might have chosen Boom Boom as a player this year). Mark O'Meara would be interesting if his relationship with Tiger Woods is still solid.

DL III could not stand up to the pressure of the "World Of", let alone the Ryder Cup. His personal Ryder Cup record is 9 wins, 12 losses and 5 halves, not the stellar performance you would like from your captain, but the pickings may be slim. How about bringing back Tom Watson? He had a renaissance as a player the last few years and is the last U.S. Ryder Cup captain to win in Europe. Thinking outside the box, how about Jerry Colangelo? He brought USA Basketball back to prominence by winning an Olympic Gold Medal and the World Championships. Maybe he could do the same for American golf.

Why I Will Never Retire!

When high-powered executives and business people retire, a very small minority travel and enjoy their retirement. The vast majority still have those competitive juices and control issues and have to find another outlet. Some become members of the board of directors of their homeowners association and fight with the developer about the turnover of the community's golf course or with the individual homeowners over basketball hoops, satellite dishes or the like. Those executives that belong to private country clubs ands retire become involved in the management of the country club. Some become members of the club's handicap committee and send letters like the following to the club's golf members (This is a real letter. I could not make this up myself!):

Dear Member:

Due to the rampant cheating and sandbagging on the golf course [editor's note: I took a little editorial license and added this prefatory language because the Handicap Committee is too proper to say this], your Handicap Committee will be implementing a new handicap monitoring system. The Handicap Committee has worked diligently to produce a system that will insure the ongoing integrity of our handicap system while minimizing the reporting requirements of our members.

The new system, which is monitored weekly by the Handicap Committee, creates a computerized comparison of all rounds recorded on the daily tee sheet generated by the golf shop as compared to the rounds posted to the Arizona Golf Association’s (AGA) handicap system. If a round is reflected on the tee sheet but has not been posted to the AGA system, an exception is noted.

In the case of all exceptions, the member in question will receive an e-mail noting the date of the round along with a request to contact the golf shop in order to resolve the exception in a timely fashion. Barring extraordinary circumstances, the Handicap Committee expects that exceptions will be discussed with the golf shop and resolved within five (5) days of receipt of the exception notice.

If the matter is not resolved to the mutual satisfaction of the member and the Handicap Committee within such timeframe, a penalty score may be posted pursuant to Section 8-4 of the USGA Handicap System Handbook. Your Handicap Committee and the golf staff thank you in advance for your efforts in insuring the integrity of this game we play.

Your Handicap Committee

World Of XXVII - Get Away Day

Through six rounds of the "World Of" I do not think that we completed a round in less than 4 1/2 hours, even though we had the courses pretty much to ourselves. A lot of time was spent whoofing at one another, looking for lost balls in the wetlands, counting strokes and negotiating bets. Our tee time for Tuesday morning was 8 a.m. and I had a 2 p.m. flight back to Phoenix. I was worried that (a) I would miss the flight or (b) I would have to travel after playing golf and without showering (I was more worried about my seat mate on that issue), but I did not want to leave my buddies with 5 players (the only number of golfers on a men's golf trip worse than 7!) for the final round (Cameo left at 5 a.m. on Tuesday morning). Luckily, Turtle decided not to play since he had a 6 hour drive home, so "World Of" XXVII was down to a final foursome of Stinger, Arnie, Smooth and the Mouth.

Tuesday morning was cool and clear and our final foursome pulled out the long pants and golf vests looking very dapper. Turtle and I went out to the course to wish our comrades-in-arms good luck and to pick up our golf bags. Back at the house, we took Stinger's golf cart and tooled around the project, heading out to the sand dunes and the beach. After Turtle left, I putzed around the house until my cab picked me up at noon to begin the 12 hour odyssey back to Phoenix. I had a 3 hour layover in Houston and my plane was delayed for another 2 1/2 hours because of high winds and hail in Phoenix (check out the videos!). Sky Harbor Airport was shut down for almost 2 hours.

However, I do have the following blow-by-blow description of the epic final round of "World Of" XXVII from the Mouth:

"For those of you who missed the Golf Channel's special Grey Goose report from Camp Creek last night and Stuart Scott's Sports Center interview with Stinger and Arnie after clinching the final match of World Of XXVII with a par on the 18th hole (the 126th hole of competition), I will confirm that the final round lived up to the high standards of "World Of" competition. Arnie and Stinger took the early lead when Arnie -- in vintage Fat Jack style (huh!) -- ran in a 25 footer for birdie on Number 1 after conceding a four-footer to the opposition for par. That set the tone for the day. The front side had 3 lead changes and was not decided until Arnie and Stinger won the 9th hole for a one up victory. The back nine featured more lead changes, a couple of putts for "toppers" just when one side or the other seemed to be seizing control of the match, and fittingly came down to the last 2 holes. With Smooth and the Mouth clinging to a one-up lead on the back 9 and the 18 all even, Arnie again rose to the challenge by knocking in a 20 footer for birdie on 17 and using his stroke on 18 to ice the match. While the level of play was at times remarkably high for a Day 4 final round, it also included a whiff, a shank from the middle of the fairway by the only guy who at that point had not already incurred a penalty stroke on the hole, more than one ball putted off the green, and a trip into the muck searching for an errant tee shot that resulted in Arnie finding a ball he had lost in an earlier round (alas, he would lose it again before the match was done). All in all, a fitting conclusion to a great "World Of"."

And the follow-up from Stinger:

"In the interest of full disclosure, the Mouth was kind enough not to fully report that Arnie won the match on his own, with no help from his partner, other than complimenting his good play, tending the flag, raking the occasional bunker, and doing a little bit of Turtle-like coaching. The ball hawking was the result of yours truly diving head long into the driver yips, with no stress reliever available to assuage the ginzu-knife like tempo. By the end, I couldn't draw the driver back. But, as is the mantra of the "World Of", it is not about how well you play golf but being out on the course with your good buddies (and I had to work hard on that one)."

See you next year at St. Andrews!

World Of XXVII - Day 3

Day 3 of the "World Of" was even nicer than the previous day if that is possible. When we left for the course in the morning, the temperature was in the high 60s and the sky was clear. The high temperature for the day was supposed to be about 75. Spectacular!

Sometime during the middle of the night, the Big Man and the Big Dog (an interesting pairing) stole out of the house and back to reality, leaving us with our normal prime integer, 7, players. In the morning we played at Shark's Tooth and played our own ball. My two-man game partner was Cameo. I was 1 under bogey through 5 but had 3 double bogeys on the last 4 holes for a 46 on the front 9. Cameo and I "hammed and egged" it pretty well so when I had a good hole, he had a bad one and vice versa. On the back 9, I had a kick-in birdie on the 173 yard par-3 and a 44 for a 90 total. On the par-4 15th hole, Cameo and I were both in the collection area adjacent to the green when we had a T.C. Chen moment. While I have done this more times than I want to remember it is very unusual for a good player like Cameo to chili-dip his chip shot and hit the ball a second time on the follow-through.

The most famous double hit was in the 1985 U.S. Open at Oakland Hills. T.C. Chen was leading the championship in the final round by 4 strokes when he double-hit his fourth shot from the heavy rough at the par-4 5th hole. After a penalty, a chip and two putts, Chen made an 8 and lost by 1 stroke to Andy North. Interestingly, under Rule 14-4, you count the stroke for the first hit and add a penalty stroke to your score for the second hit. There is no additional penalty in stroke play.

The United States made a stirring comeback in the singles matches on Monday at Celtic Manor. Losing 9 1/2 to 6 1/2 heading into the singles, the U.S. needed 14 points to tie the Europeans and retain the Ryder Cup. With victories by Tiger Woods, Steve Stricker, Dustin Johnson, Zach Johnson, Phil Mickelson and Jeff Overton and a stirring comeback by Rickie Fowler to halve his match and a disappointing half by Stewart Cink, the U.S. and Europe were tied with 13 1/2 points each and one match remaining, but Hunter Mahan was trailing Graeme McDowell two down with two holes to go after McDowell's birdie on No. 16 (after the approach shot, fast-forward to about 1:50 on the video). On the par-3 17th hole, both players missed the green and Mahan chili-dipped his chip shot and ultimately conceded the hole and the match. While everyone will remember Mahan's chip shot at 17, McDowells' birdie on No. 16 and two missed 4 footers by Stewart Cink were really the difference. If Cink makes either putt to beat Rory McIlroy, the U.S. keeps the Ryder Cup with a tie.

In the afternoon we headed back to Camp Creek. It felt like we had not played that course for weeks having played the last 3 rounds at Shark's Tooth. We were a little disappointed because the course superintendent had sanded the greens since our last visit, but it turned out the greens were still pretty fast and true. We played a "shamble" in the afternoon. I thought this was a made up "World Of" term, but it is actually a USGA "recognized" form of goofy golf in which all players tee off and the best ball is selected. Each team member then plays his own ball into the hole. According to the "recognized" experts on shambles, this game should be played with full handicaps to permit the higher handicap players to contribute. Since we only had 7 players (so what's new!), Smooth and Arnie, the two best players, and I played as a threesome, against Turtle, the Mouth, Cameo and Stinger, using the one low score. We played with some type of modified handicap system and we rotated an extra drive on each hole. We lost this game in the negotiations before the first drive. We rarely used the fourth drive because it was generally unnecessary and we were conserving our strength and we only had 3 scores against the other team's 4 scores. Although we got beaten like a drum, 6 under to 3 under, it was nice playing Smooth's or Arnie's drive on each hole and being long and in the middle of the fairway. I contributed a little bit here and there, but with the modified handicap, I only got a few shots.

We finished in the dark, just in time for dinner and Monday Night football. The perfect men's golf trip day! I was asleep by 10 p.m., but after 6 rounds of golf in 3 days I was still feeling pretty good.

Wagering at the "World Of"

Today, I am pleased to have a guest post from Arnie, one of the stalwart members of the "World Of", on "World Of" wagering. Interestingly, this year Arnie a/k/a Metronome may have won every single bet with his stellar play.

The "World Of" has its own economic system. Everyone is a reasonably well-paid attorney, sufficiently well off to be able to afford a four-day golf trip to a nice place. That, however, doesn’t keep us from being major cheapskates. For example, each year the trip planning begins with an e-mail request to “send in your $100 deposit.” This originated as a way to get people to commit to the trip, so that the "World Of" participants that do not bail don’t get stuck with cancellation costs. This strategy failed miserably. No one was willing to be pinned down, much less risk forfeiture of “a hundo.” So, we still ask for the deposit, but nobody sends it in, and we always go to places where we can cancel. [Editor's Note: I think that I must be the only dummy that actually sends in my deposit!]

The best example of "World Of" economics is how we handle our golf bets. In the morning round, we ALWAYS play “the 2-man game.” The bet is $5 per head, better ball net, winning team takes all. The reason for winner take all is because, as Turtle is fond of saying, “second is just first among the losers.” That’s how we think at the "World Of". Anyway, $5 has been the bet since we were third year law students with no money, 27 years ago. Should we change it now? No way! One reason is that we are all so competitive that if we played for higher stakes, it might get out of hand. Another reason is that it is very hard to collect bets at the "World Of". The guys who win don’t want to be obnoxious about collecting, and the guys who lose don’t want to pay because they are cheap and because it is admitting defeat. So, the bets usually sit out there for 2 or 3 rounds until somebody like Smooth figures out a clever way to bring up the subject. That still doesn’t solve the problem of the bets made late in the trip because inevitably, several people leave without paying before we can have an accounting. So, if you’re going to lose at the "World Of", lose late and leave early!

The “net” feature of the betting is interesting, too. There are some highly suspect handicaps at the "World Of". The Mouth was a 16 for the longest time, fully capable of hitting it 270 yards and shooting in the low 80s. We finally have gotten him down to a 13. Shifty at one point got 36 strokes and made several net aces on par-3s. When he was paired with Smooth, you might as well get out your wallet. On average, I’d guess that the "World Of" handicap is 2 shots higher than the real handicap--another reason it’s good we only play for $5. There was, however, one exception to this rule. Several years ago the Natural’s brother from New Jersey came on the trip. He told us he was a 9-handicap, not bad at all. The funny thing was that the guy never broke 90, which was great as long as you weren’t his partner. The Natural’s brother quickly became known as a “New Jersey 9,” and “New Jersey” became our adjective to describe anybody who couldn’t play up to their handicap. In a way, I’m surprised we haven’t planned a trip to New Jersey. [Editor's Note: Now I understand why I was being called New Jersey!]

The most rancorous "World Of" bets involve the afternoon “scramble.” By the second round of the second day, we are all sick of playing our own ball (except for Smooth, who hits it a lot less than the rest of us). So, after 3 rounds of beating it around, we play a Captain’s choice round—for you guessed it--$5 a head. A big feature of this round is major beer drinking, led by the Big Man in terms of volume of beer and the Mouth in terms of volume of sound. Either because of the beer or because it’s a team game and nobody is individually exposed, there’s a lot of trash talk. The Mouth and Turtle, the Alabama Boys, always have to be on the same team. Turtle automatically becomes the coach of his team, even if he’s the 3rd best player. But Turtle can make a big putt, especially if he cares enough to take off his bucket hat and expose has bald pate to the elements. Every birdie in the scramble elicits a big yell from the team, so the other team(s) can hear it. Fake yells are also part of the scramble, just to keep the other team(s) guessing. And if you run across another team while you’re playing, don’t even waste your time asking them their score. They won’t tell you the truth. It may be that some teams don’t tell the truth even at the end of the round. There’s also plenty of cheating during the scramble. Ordinarily honest guys lose it. Balls get “found” and balls get advanced. It’s often getting dark at the end of the scramble, so it’s really hard to tell what’s going on. Seems like a lot of times the team that yells the loudest has the advantage. That’s the scramble.

In the end, the main point of "World Of" betting is not who wins the most money. I sure hope not because I know I’m down several “hundos” over the 27 years. No, the point is that we bet because you’re supposed to bet in golf, and you’re supposed to have fun betting. And in spite of the slow pays, the fake handicaps and all that goes on in the scramble, betting at the "World Of" is fun.