Hit It, Alliss!

In response to yesterday's "Golf Lingo - Part 2" post, one of my politically incorrect male followers sent me an off-line commentary chiding me for being too sensitive and not controversial enough. He thought I should upset my female followers by explaining golf lingo such as "hit it, Alice!" or "does your husband play golf too?" or "you got that caught in your girdle".

I always assumed that the "Alice" in "Hit it, Alice" referred to Alice Kramden, Jackie Gleason's wife from the "Honeymooners". Actually, the Curmudgeon, the master of minutiae, told me (and I have since confirmed from other world wide web sites) that the origin of this phrase to the chagrin of every politically incorrect male golfer is from Peter Alliss, the well-known BBC television golf commentator. Alliss was a very fine golfer and played professional golf in Europe for over 20 years, but his putter was his nemesis. When he hit his putt short or missed a short putt because he did not put a good stroke on the ball, he could be heard saying to himself, "Hit it Alliss!"

Over the years, male golfers that disparage female golfers for their lack of power bastardized this slur to "Hit it, Alice" or "Nice shot, Alice" or "That's half way to the cup, Alice", assuming that "Alice" was being used as a derogatory term for all women. The ironic thing is, of all aspects of the game of golf, putting is the part of the game that requires the least amount of power and the most finesse and fine motor skills.

Another age-old male bonding golf joke involves "Fort Worth Rules". Although I doubt Ben Hogan and his friends at Colonial Country Club in Fort Worth, Texas, coined this phrase, it is generally imposed when one golfer in a male foursome fails to hit his drive past the women's tees. In that case, the "short hitter" is required to play the remainder of the hole with his manhood hanging out of his pants. This confirms to the golfing gods that although the humiliated golfer could not hit his drive past the women's tees, he is, in fact, a man.