Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Chad Feldheimer

Ever since I scared the pants off of Chad Feldheimer shooting a 79 and tying his score, Chad has been on a tear. He has been striping the ball and shooting in the mid-70s and flirting with par golf. Chad's pseudonym is based on the stumbling, bumbling Brad Pitt character in the movie "Burn After Reading", but I promised Chad that if he shoots par I will change his moniker to a more suave and debonair secret agent.

For some unknown reason, Chad subjects himself to my golf game every two weeks or so. I think he just likes making fun of me. Given his taunts and barbs, he must know that I have no swag on partnership decisions at my law firm.

Chad claims he is 5' 6" tall and weighs exactly 151.5 pounds. I am not buying it. But he hits the ball a country mile and generally straight down the middle. He is also very good around the greens and putting, although he has taken to the Kramer "in the grip" rule based on the full length of a long putter and sometimes even stretches that a bit. I have recently shamed Chad into walking the course and carrying his golf bag -- the way golf is supposed to be played. He is almost 25 years younger than me and it was embarrassing to see him riding in a cart while I was walking.

This weekend Chad and I played at Southern Dunes in Maricopa, Arizona. The course was set up for U.S. Open conditions because it hosted a U.S. Open sectional qualifier 3 days earlier. I carried Chad around the golf course helping with club selection, distances, pin locations and wind (I might as well have hit the shots for him). He was one over par heading to the par-4, 435-yard 18th hole. He needed a birdie to shake the Chad Feldheimer nom de plume. I instructed him to "hit it straight" on the tee box. His drive was bombed down the middle of the fairway about 165 yards from the flagstick. The approach shot is to a green surrounded on two sides with water with the pin tucked into the corner. Chad had to shoot at the flagstick and make birdie. He pulled out a 6-iron. I tossed some grass in the air and noted that the wind had picked up ever so slightly. Chad then choked and pulled his approach shot left over the cart path into the desert area and made a double-bogey for a 75, thus keeping his ignominious title for another two weeks.

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